Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

I just got off the phone with my dad, who called me to inform me that he just got a letter from the VA hospital recommending he get professional mental health care.

"Let me guess," I said, interrupting my dad's tirade. "Post traumatic stress?"

"Hah! It's been forty-one fucking years and NOW they tell me?"

"I have one word for you: duh!" I told him.

"Let me read this to you: feelings of hopelessness - I don't have that! Thoughts of suicide? I don't have that!"

"Maybe they just thought it would be good to talk to someone," I said.

"I mean, just because I can't go back and get Charlie ... "

"Look, maybe if you go see someone you can get some good drugs," I told him.

My dad told me to shut up.

Prostitutes

When I was in Vietnam, when I had been there eight, nine months, I can remember guys coming up to me saying, "Sarge, Sarge, Sarge, I want to talk to you!" And these are guys that aren't even in my squad, guys that maybe were in the same platoon. I guess you could say I was a likeable guy. People would talk to me. I could talk to people.

And they'd come up and say, "I just came back from the village. I met a girl down there. She says she really loves me, and she wants to be with me. What do you think?"

And I'd tell them, "Hey, soldier. She loves everybody."

"No, no, this is for reals!"

It was kinda like, "Hey guy. This is the first time you've been laid! You think she wants you for that?"

"Oh, no, no she's not one of the prostitutes."

Oh, fuck no! She's the Queen of England.

Me: So you think the women in the village were taking advantage of the GI's?

Dad: Hah! I'm dumb, not stupid. I think it was, who's gonna pay me the most.

Me: That's pretty cynical.

Dad: That's the fact of the matter.

(I remind my dad that many happy marriages must have occurred between Americans and Vietnamese women).

Dad: I'm saying most of them just wanted to get over to the US.

I'd ask them, "How much did you pay?"

I knew guys in the platoon, that went down there, got laid for the first time, then came back and said, "She loves me."

I'd say, "And by the way, how much did she charge you? What did you pay?"

"I paid ten dollars."

I told them, "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

You never, ever pay more than five dollars! I don't care how good she looks. You never pay more than five dollars.

Me: So you did visit prostitutes.

Dad: Shut up! (Embarassed pause) I took my squad down there. I told them to do what they had to do.

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The good people at MilBlogging.com have accepted this blog as part of the largest collection of military blogs on the web. Yay! I told my dad, but instead of being happy, he actually sounded kinda pissed off. He said he didn't want "EVERYBODY knowing my business!"

I explained the whole idea behind memoir writing is that everyone will know your stuff.

Drugs

Dad: Drugs were all over the place.

Me: What kind of drugs?

Dad: Pot was the big thing.

Me: What else?

Dad: I don't know what else. Pot ... that was the big thing. I assume there was heroin. Supposedly they were running heroin out of Thailand and Laos, you hear a bunch of stuff, but you really don't know, you can't prove it.

Me: So you've said for a really long time that you never, ever ...

Dad: I never did drugs. Some of the guys on my squad did, yes.

Me: How come you never smoked any weed?

Dad: Because it was illegal. I was there to be a soldier, not a druggie!

Me: OK, calm down!

Dad: I knew there were guys who were smoking pot. I used to tell them when it's time to do the job, they better not be fucking loaded.

I used to tell them, whatever you're going to do, don't do it front of me. Do it behind my back, do it away from me.

Me: You were a squad leader at this time?

Dad: Yes. I remember before I left, I think I had maybe a month left in country. And a guy from another squad, he was leaving. They were taking him down the air base, and from there, he flies home.

And the guy was a big pot smoker, heavy, heavy pot smoker. And somebody came up to me, and I forget who it was, it's been a long time, and they said, you know PFC so and so is going home today. And I said yeah! Glad for him, I'm gonna tell him congratulations, you're going home now. And the guy said, we think he's got some shit on him and he's gonna try to take it back.

So I went and looked him up. He had already gotten his duffle packs, showered, changed into his khaki uniform. And I told him, I hear you're going home ... you're going to be back in the world. And he said, yeah, and I said, good I'm glad. He was a draftee also. And I asked him, you got a job lined up? And he said, No, I got nothing. And then I said, Hey, look. Do yourself a favor. You're about to be discharged. You're going home. Do yourself a favor, don't try to take any shit home.

And he said, Aw, Sgt. Lopez, I'm not gonna do that. I said, really, I'm serious. Don't try to smuggle any shit back. Look, I'm telling you something, just between you and me. A lot of people, too many people, know that you smoke pot all the time. They're going to be waiting for you down there at the airbase. And they're going to be checking you. They search everything. So don't try to take anything home with you.

All right, I won't.

Just go home. You're getting discharged. It's all over for you.

He said, all right, all right, I won't.

So they drove him down to the air base.

And I think it was a Sunday. It wasn't two hours later ... here comes an MP. And the jeeps say MP on it. They pull up the side, and there he is. They get him out of the jeep. He's in handcuffs. And I thought, Oh, fuck.

I knew what he'd tried to do. No doubt in my mind.

He wasn't even part of my squad. I felt sorry for the guy because you know, you're getting ready to go home. But I walked up to the MPs, and the sergeant was there, and I asked him, what do you have handcuffs on him for? And the sergeant said, he's under arrest. And I said, what for? He was trying to smuggle some pot.

Me: I find this so hard to believe! I mean, in the movies, you see everybody smoking pot like constantly, like 24/7, and so you get this idea, that it was just very...

Dad: This is the military, OK? It was the military.

So I talked to the guy, and I told him, I told you not to do it, I told you they'd be waiting for you.

And all he says is, "What difference does it make? When I get back home ..."

The difference, I told him, now you're going to get a dishonorable discharge.

And he said, it doesn't make any difference, there's no jobs in the town where I'm at.

I said, what about the pride you have? The pride that your parents are going to have for you?

He said, it doesn't make a difference. When I get back home, I got no job. When you're black, there's nothing for you.

He lost pay. They took his stripe away from him. they gave him a dishonorable discharge.

But you knew that's what would happen.

Me: Do you think it was fair?

Dad: At the time yes, those were the rules!

Me: But now?

Dad: I think now what they could have done ... what they did was, they did bust him down to Buck Private. he had to spend another two months, two and half months in country.

Me: You're kidding me.

Dad: No.

Me: Oh my God!

Dad: They could have taken him to Japan and stuck him in the brig. Stuck him in jail.

Me: That is a harsh punishment! An extra two months in country!

Dad: Hey, you know the rules! I told him - "They're going to be looking for you!" You knew what would happen.

Pacification Program in Vietnam

Me: Last time we talked, you said you were going to tell me about the pacification program.

Dad: That's when they tell you when you go out to the villages, be nice to people, shake hands.

Me: Did it work?

Dad: Nope. Stupidest thing I ever heard of.

Me: Why?

Dad: For one thing, the people didn't like Charlie. But a lot of them were more afraid of the Koreans than they were of Charlie. Well, their idea was, this is a war. Are we supposed to sit down and have tea with these guys?

Me: Did you ever sit down and have tea with the villagers?

Dad: No.

Me: Did you ever talk to the villagers?

Dad: If they spoke english, but very few of them do.

Me: So you would visit villages during the day time?

Dad: Remember, at night time ... if something happens, it's going to happen at night time.

Me: So how often would you go to the villages?

Dad: You're not there very long. You just hi, how's everybody doing, stuff like that. Sometimes they send the medics out there to see to the people.

Me: Did you ever have the feeling that maybe Charlie was there?

Dad: Yeah. Especially if they had younger people there, teenagers, people in their early 20s.

Me: Were you scared, when you went to visit the villages?

Dad: Lot of times, yeah.

Me: So at nightime, you were assigned a post around the perimeter, right?

Dad: Most of the time, no, because I was an American and they wanted to make sure I didn't get hurt.

The Korean camp, they were right on an inlet. You have a river running, a water way. How they protected their camp, what they did, it was pretty smart of them, what they did was go about 20, 30 feet out to the water and they put concertino wire. They put broken cans, broken bottles, they dumped it all around the perimeter. So if Charlie tried to sneak in, maybe they'd get cut up. And the water is nasty. The tide comes in, comes out, twice a day.

Me: What body of water was this?

Dad: Inlet from the South China Sea. And it was nasty.

And at times, that's where you go out to take a shower. Or a bath.

I remember this guy at Sugen, he brought his daughters out as prostitutes. And the youngest one looked like she was 12. He sells them. That's a lot of money. The prostitutes, the pimps, the bars, they made hundreds of thousands of dollars off the soldiers.

There's nothing you can do about it.

They had a guy in our company, named James, he'd get paid on payday, within a week, he'd be broke from either dealing with the prostitutes or gambling the money away. Within a week.

The Near Shoot Out With Koreans and Americans

Me: What happened?

Dad: Well, when we had to go pick up 5000 rifles, and the 5000 bayonets, and there were only 2500 bayonets there. I had orders for 5000 of each for the Koreans. When we got there, there was a platoon, I think it was the 101st airborne, they got there right after we did, with orders to pick up the same bayonets and rifles that we did.

Me: So somebody had screwed up?

Dad: It wasn't that. I knew my orders were real and I knew that their orders were not. And they were saying that they were going to take the rifles. and I'm telling the lietuenant, no they belong to the Koreans. He was saying, no, we need them, we go out on patrol, and I said hey, so do they. He said, "Well we're going to take them." And I said, "No, you're not." So I'm thinking he's got like 30 guys, we didn't go there with that many. Or I thought we didn't. But some of the other Koreans had arrived there before we did, and they were just staked out.

Me: Why were they staked out?

Dad: Well, you're picking up 5000 rifles, and you have to take them back to the main camp by truck. Well, if you get ambushed by Charlie, they're going to get those rifles. So they had to make sure there was enough people.

And so I told the lietuenant, "No, you're not taking them."

And he had said, "Well, what happens if we want to?"

And the Koreans were up on their trucks, and they had 30-caliber machine guns. I thought, son of a bitch. All they have to do is start shooting ... and a lot of people are going to die. Americans and Koreans. And I told the lietuenant, "Your orders are phony."

Me: Did he know that his orders were phony?

Dad: I don't know.

And the guy at the warehouse, the security people here, they said, we've already verified mine. I told the lietuenant, you're not taking them. So you know, it's your call.

And the Koreans were getting pissed off?

It was like we're here and they're there. And I'm talking to the lietuenant. And I'm telling him, you're not taking them. Our orders are verified. I don't know where you got yours, don't care.

I see the Koreans, they're like ... you see that tree? They've got ... their hands were on the machine guns. I thought if the Americans start doing something dumb, are these guys going to open up with their machine guns? I don't know.

So the lietuenant finally said, all right, you guys take them.

So I'm thinking - if they were really yours, you would have done something about it. You'd go back to HQ, you'd go back to somebody and say, "They had false orders." But they never did.

Somehow or other, either someone in Saigon screwed up or ... I don't know. I know there were 2500 bayonets missing. And i'm sure they ended up on the black market.

Somewhere from the boat to the depot they ended up on the black market.

At the depot, you could buy anything there. TVs, stereos, little refrigerators. I'm thinking, what the hell are they sending all this stuff?

Dealing with the black market .. you can't believe. People made thousands and thousands dealing with the black market

Just about everyone who was at Cam Ranh worked at the depot. It was a huge, huge, depot. And the company that was across the street from us got raided by the MPs one day. We were told that they had arrested the CO, the first sgt, they found TVS, refrigerators, stereos that had all been stolen from the depot.

My thing, when i went to the PX for the first time, was, who comes to Vietnam to buy a stereo?

Me: So who got arrested?

Dad: The CO got arrested, and the first sgt. I don't know how many people from that company got arrested, but they did.

Me: So would you say that the best part of staying with the Koreans was that they were friendly and there wasn't so much racial bullshit?

Dad: There wasn't any racial bullshit.

Me: So what was the worst part of staying with the Koreans?

Dad: Uh. I think they always wanted to more or less get into a fight with the Vietnamese.

Me: Isn't that what you were there for?

Dad: Well, yeah, but see, the Americans on the peninsula weren't infantry. They weren't combat soldiers. They were all support companies. They'd just as soon go home. Like me.

The Korean liason office was not infantry. Captain Lee was not infantry. Captain Kim - none of them were infantry. But I know Sgt. Kim would rather be in the infantry and fight, rather than not fight. Most of the Koreans I met would rather fight the enemy than not fight.

Me: Did you see any times when it appeared they were agressively looking for a fight?

Dad: Maybe when we'd go by the rubber plantation, they were hoping somebody would shoot at them so they could open up on them.

Me: They said that?

Dad: You could tell by their actions. Their demeanor changed when we'd have a convoy going by at night time.

The Koreans and Cliffhanger - Near Shootout With the Americans

Me: So how long had you been with the Americans before you got transferred to the Koreans?

Dad: About three months. I was still with the American Army, they can't throw you out.

And I spent the rest of the time assisting the Korean Army with their supplies. I even got to go to the village of Su Chin, which was exclusive to the Koreans. It was north of Cam Ranh, on the mainland.

Me: So there were no other Americans.

Dad: Not there. It was more or less strictly for Korean entertainment. It was just bars, that's all it was. The place was .. what would they call it? Like everybody just gets drunk and raises hell. They get drunk, go outside, shoot their rifles out.

Me: Were there prostitutes?

Dad: (stutters) There was free enterprise there.

Me: I want to be very clear about this. Did you ever visit any prostitutes?

Dad: I seen them. I mean, they're in the bars.

Me: You never visited them, never paid ...

Dad: No, no.

Me: If you had, would you tell me?

Dad: No. (laughs) Yes, I would.

Me: How come you never visited?

Dad: I thought it was sinful.

Me: Oh come on!

Dad: Let's go on to a different subject.

Me: So what was it like at the Korean camp?

Dad: It was more ... like rural. More rough, more. Unlike the camp at Cam Ranh, that had black top roads, their's was more primitive.

Me: So you were sharing a tent with the Koreans?

Dad: Yeah. Ate their food. Mostly rice and kim chi. The homemade stuff was good.

Me: what were you doing during the day?

Dad: Working at the depot. At Cam Ranh. That was where the liason office. Or going around and securing the supplies that they needed.

Me: And at night ...

Dad: I would either stay with the Americans, or go with the Koreans, especially if the Koreans were going to have a USO show. You know when entertainment goes overseas? That's where I saw the Korean Kittens. And they appeared in Vegas.

Me: Was it scary at night?

Dad: Lot of times. Well, you can hear artillery far away. And at times, in the mountains surrounding, you could see flashes of gunfire, tracers. You can hear the artillery in the distance, you just don't know how far or how close it is.

And every day, you could see the phantom jets take off. The bombers. They were supposed to be fighters, that's why they were called F-4Cs. But they would take off two to three at a time, and you'd hope the two to three would come back.

I can remember sometimes three jets would take off to do what they're going to do, and sometimes only two jets would come back.

Me: What was the Koreans view of the war?

Dad: They were there to fight the war. They were asked by the Americans.

Me: What were they like, the Koreans..

Dad: Friendly and protective of each other. I thought they were more disciplined.

Me: How so?

Dad: There wasn't any whining and crying, "I don't want to be here, you know the way they treat us back home."

I had a white soldier who gave a drink out of his canteen to a black soldier. And he had asked me if he was doing the right thing.

He was saying if his parents found out back home had found out he let a black soldier drink out of his canteen, he would have been ... what's the word ... ostracized. He said he couldn't understand why the people of his home town treat the black people the way they do.

You can't believe ... You can't believe how many racial fights they had there. At the time I was up there, racism was rampant.

Me: You think it's better now?

Dad: Yeah. I just think it is. For one thing, now everybody is a volunteer. There is no draft. Back then, not all of them, but some of the black draftees would say they were there because they're trying to eliminate the black race. Some of the black draftees thought they were drafted on purpose, to go over there and get killed. Me, I can't believe that. There were more white soldiers that got killed. Whereas, with the Koreans, there was no prejudice, because they were all Koreans. So I didn't have to worry about that when I was with the Koreans.

Me: Did you ever get into any fights.

Dad: No, came close to maybe having to shoot it out with an American platoon one time, which I'm glad nothing happened.

(from today's conversation